You know how sometimes you come across someone who is rude to waiters, belittles parking attendants, treats their partner badly and just generally leaves you feeling not-so-nice? It occurred to me that those very people probably don’t know that they are assholes…
So I thought a little tool might be useful in very quickly identifying our asshole-potential!
Now I know it’s not nice to think that YOU might be an asshole but alas, sometimes one must consider it as a possibility. And if you’re not, let this help you identify any people in your life who might be in danger of becoming an asshole or who are already giant assholes.
Simply answer YES or NO to the following questions
- Have you fallen out with one or more friends in the last year?
- Have you had any kind of falling out with any of your family members in the last year?
- Do any of your husband / wife / partner’s friends dislike you?
- Could you describe any of your close friendships or relationships as volatile, or “up and down”.
- Do you ever get the feeling that those close to you are walking on eggshells, afraid of upsetting you?
- Are there times when you truly dislike yourself?
- Do you ever wish harm or unhappiness on others?
- Have your colleagues ever complained to your superiors about your attitude?
- Have you made someone close to you cry in the last three months?
- Do you ever get the feeling that people are purposefully avoiding you?
- Has anyone told you in the last six months that you are mean, nasty, selfish, spiteful or manipulative?
- Has anyone purposefully damaged your property or acted maliciously towards you in the last year “to get you back”?
- Do you often find yourself enthusiastically gossiping about other people?
- Has someone actually called you an asshole or similar in the past six months?
Now count up all your YES answers…
0 YES answers
You’re a saint. You’re a good person. You’re lovely. You’re nice. But you must beware of being a doormat. Read those questions again and see if anyone in your life sprung to mind as you read… If so, you might be in danger of giving too much of your precious time and energy to an asshole. Think about it. If you do feel like you’re the flipside to someone else’s asshole coin, start making changes today. Don’t forget that as nice as it is to be nice, it’s not nice when your niceness allows someone else to be not nice to you.
1 – 4 YES answers
That’s ok. It’s normal to have the odd little drama here and there – we’re all human after all. Sometimes we’re misunderstood. Sometimes we’re grumpy as all hell. Sometimes we’re going through stuff and sometimes we’re just premenstrual and have a brat attack for no good reason and That’s ok. Just be aware of how often you have emo drama in your life and keep it to a minimum.
5 – 8 YES answers
Look at your answers again carefully and make sure you are not just persecuting yourself. Are all your YES answers true, or are you making unfair assumptions and judgements about yourself? If they really are true, then see where you can slowly start to change your behaviour to the benefit of yourself and those around you. Look at what your triggers are and dig deep to try to understand why things trigger you into behaving in the way of the asshole. What are your personality traits, characteristics, attitudes or behaviours that account for most of your YES answers above? For instance – jealousy or low self-esteem or aggression or sarcasm or manipulation. What should you be doing LESS of and which behaviours or attitudes (like empathy, compassion, patience etc.) should you be practising more? Come on. Make an effort to be nicer.
More than 8 YES answers
Woah, Nelly! If you really had more than 8 YES answers, you should probably find some time to examine WHY. Are you holding onto old anger and resentment? Are you acting and speaking from your truth or are you always defending yourself? Are you always making excuses for your behaviour and blaming others for the drama in your life? Or, if you’re truthful, do you realise that most of the time, it is in fact YOUR shitty attitude that causes problems in your relationships? If so, it’s time to admit that you are not being the best you that you can be. DON’T PANIC. You can learn to understand and love yourself better. You can change your attitude towards life. You can change your behaviour towards other people and build more meaningful and truthful relationships. But it is most definitely time to make a change. Get your shit together, asshole.