lovenotfear Thoughts and inspiration for a happier you




6 ways to make your Mondays less blue


If you are one of those people who suffer from what I call BMS (Blue Monday Syndrome), here are a few simple ways you can turn it around. It won’t happen overnight, but if you re-train your brain you can actually look forward to Mondays.

The first thing to ascertain is why you feel blue on Mondays.

It probably boils down to one of two scenarios.

NUMBER 1. You are not living / working / loving / being the way you want to.

The first is that what you do for a living, or what your week entails makes you unhappy. In other words, there are major changes to be made in your life before you will enjoy or look forward to Mondays. Do you hate your job? Is there anything else in your life that makes Mondays unbearable? If the answer is yes, then consider ways to change that thing. I’m not suggesting you resign or do anything drastic, but what can you do to make it more pleasant, enjoyable, aligned with your purpose and values? Even small shifts can make a difference. In this scenario you are probably enjoying weekends, because you can almost pretend things are good, and then Monday rolls around again and you are hit with reality and you feel miserable.
What big change do you need to make in your life? Start giving it some thought and take small steps in that direction.

Number 2. It’s just that Monday feeling…

The second scenario is preferable – this is when it’s not any particular thing that brings you down. Perhaps you actually like your job and/or your life and your Monday activities, it’s just a mindset habit you have formed over the years. Many people experience this and it’s largely a hangover from childhood, because of the way it used to feel on Sunday evenings when Carte Blanche was on and you had to make sure your home work was done – that dreaded Monday back-to-school after a carefree weekend feeling. If this is the case, you’re lucky, because the only changes that need to take place are in your mind.

Try these ideas!

  1. What one thing can you change?
    What’s the thing that bugs you most on Mondays? Maybe it’s the school run or the stress of getting everyone out the door on time that gets your Mondays off to a bad start? What one thing can you do to improve the situation? Maybe it’s joining a lift club, changing your work start time or – if your kids are still doing their schooling online, sorting out a separate “office” for them.

  2. How can you start your day with a positive wave?
    Maybe you begin to keep a Monday gratitude journal, where you write down all the things that are good and positive in your life. Perhaps it’s a matter of waking 15 minutes earlier and doing a few stretches and a meditation, taking a quick walk or reading something positive and uplifting.

  3. Start a Positives-Only Monday Mindset.
    The idea is to try to focus ONLY on positive things on Mondays. From the time you open your eyes, think about, feel, read, write and listen to only uplifting positive things. What are you looking forward to? What are you grateful for? What makes your heart sing? Focus on those things. Yes, you still have to work, and drop the kids off and wax your legs, but find the joy, the gift, the silver lining in everything. You may start to see this attitude spill over into Tuesdays and Wednesdays and before you know it, life looks a little brighter all-round.

  4. Prepare for Mondays.
    If you know your Mondays are likely to be blue, why not prepare in a way that automatically makes them better or easier? This could involve putting your clothes out on a Sunday night, so there’s one less thing to think about or asking your cleaning lady if she can come in on Mondays, if it’s the weekend mess that irks you. You could also prepare by making sure your work schedule is prepared and you know what the week looks like, so that you don’t start Mondays in a panic, trying to remember what’s going on and freaking out about how much there is to do.

  5. Prepare emotionally too.
    If you know Mondays are blue, try to ensure any triggers are cleared (such as a dirty house or being unprepared for the work week ahead), and then end your Sunday night with a meditation, yoga or stretches, perhaps even coming up with a mantra you can say on Sunday night and Monday morning.

  6. Make Monday the best day.
    Another way is to have some sort of reward or spoil for yourself on a Monday. Whether it’s a yoga class, ready-made meal to look forward to every Monday, or making Monday a night you watch your favourite show for an hour or two or give yourself a manicure and put on a facemask. Make Monday Treat Day!

Above all, bring your awareness to how you feel on a Monday. Awareness is always the first step, followed by making a choice to make a change.

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The Talkative Little Tit


There once was a little grey, black and white bird
(the noisiest creature that you ever heard).
He lived in Lush Haven and his name was Tim,
and every two seconds, he chirped on a whim!

Now Timmy was funny and clever and cool,
but he never stopped twittering - not even at school!
He talked over his teachers and chatted in class,
and his non-stop chirping was a pain for the ass.

Nobody could ever hear themselves think -
not the pig or the cat or the slug or the fink.
No matter where or with whom, he just never quit…
Because Timmy was a talkative little tit!

Timmy missed out on all sorts of things;
the lessons at school, the cricket who sings.
“I’m having a party and I’d like you to attend!”
said Robbie, his red-breasted robin friend.
But Timmy was chattering away and he didn’t hear…
so he missed the cake, the fun and games, and the cheer!

He never listened to the babbling brook
or really heard the story, when his teacher read a book.
He missed out on wisdom and jokes and information,
because he never shut down his communication station!

But even more annoying than his constant chatter
was how he made others feel like they just didn’t matter…

He interrupted their stories every single time,
with a story of his own, or a chirp or a chime.
And he never asked questions about anyone else;
the talkative little tit only spoke about… himself.

One day Timmy’s friends planned a camping trip.
There was Cray-Cray and Robbie and slippery Slip,
and Sally the sparrow and Arnie and Paul,
Tom the cat and Ziggy and all!

“Shall we invite Timmy?” asked Sally the Sparrow.
“No”, said Arnie, “I’ll shoot straight as an arrow -
that bird talks one heck of a lot
and we want peace and quiet at our camping spot.”

“You’re right” said Slip, “let’sss not invite him.
Ssssometimes he’ssss so noisy, I jussst want to bite him!”

“Well alright then”, said Sally, “we’ll leave him behind…
Oh, I really hope he doesn’t mind!”

When Timmy flew by and saw they were packing,
he asked what they were doing, but his manners were lacking
so he didn’t wait for a single reply.
He just carried on chatting about what, when and why,
and so come the next morning when he went around to play,
nobody was home, not even Cray-Cray!

He saw Cray-Cray’s uncle, a crabby old bugger,
and said: “have you seen Cray-Cray or Sally or Slugger?”
“No”, said the crab, “I ain’t seen them at all,
nor Arnie or Tom or Ziggy or Paul”.

Timmy searched high and boy, he searched low,
but he just couldn’t find them - where did they go?

He saw Sally’s neighbour, who was a blind old bat.
“Do you know the whereabouts of Sally or Tom the cat?”

“They’re camping,” said the bat, “they seemed quite excited!
But don’t tell the tit - he wasn’t invited.
They wanted peace and quiet all weekend,
so they left behind their noisy little friend.”

Well Timmy was shocked, by what he had heard
and for the first time ever, he didn’t say a word.
He just flew away, quiet as could be,
across the meadow, past the old oak tree,
down to the orchard and up past the stream,
where he came across his uncle, Uncle Kareem.

“How are you my child?” asked the old bird,
and waited for the answer, but none was heard…
“Why so quiet, Timmy? It’s so unlike you…
Are you ill? Are you sick? Do you have the flu?”

“No” said Timmy, “I’m doing okay…
I just feel sad, because my friends went away.”

So Timmy told him all about the big trip,
with Sally and Slugger and Arnie and Slip,
and Ziggy and Cray-Cray and Tom and Paul,
and how they didn’t want to invite him along, at all.

His uncle listened and then said with a smile:
“Why don’t you perch quietly over here for a while?
You can stay and have some lunch with me –
I’ll make us a pot of Owl Grey tea!”

Timmy perched on the branch and kept quite still,
but he felt like he was swallowing a very bitter pill.
His beak began to quiver, he felt the rise of a tear,
but then a funny thing happened, he began to hear…

He heard the gentle breeze, rustling through the leaves,
and the sound of the weaver at work, as it weaves.

He heard little dogs barking, and young kids at play.
He heard a wolf howl, and a horse neigh!

He heard the cow that moos and the cricket that sings.
Oh, he heard all sorts of wonderful things!

When his Uncle returned with lunch on a tray,
Timmy ate, and sipped tea, with not much to say.
But when lunch was done and he felt good as new,
He turned to his Uncle and asked: “how are you?”

His uncle spoke about his health and his morning,
but then changed the subject and gave Timmy a warning.
“It’s important to listen, Timmy, my boy;
constant chatter does tend to annoy!
Learn to hear your teachers, family, and friends -
and maybe you’ll be invited on those camping weekends!”

“Thank you,” said Timmy, nodding his head.
“I listened to every word you said.
I’ll try to remember not to talk all the time,
or interrupt other creatures with a chirp or a chime!”

The next day his friends came back from the woods
with their tents and backpacks and other tiny camping goods.
And while they were unpacking, young Timmy flew by,
but instead of being noisy, he seemed a bit… shy.

“Did you have a good weekend?” was all that he said,
and then settled on a branch and cocked his head.

His friends were astounded that Timmy was so quiet.
They were expecting to come home to a yackety riot.

At last Timmy spoke. He said “I’d like to apologise.
The events of this weekend have opened my eyes
and I guess you could say, they also opened my ears!
So I’m sorry my pals, my friends, my dears!
I’d really like to be a better friend,
so please tell me all about your camping weekend!”

“Well, ok,” said Sally, “it was quite delightful,
although the wolf calls at night can be rather frightful!”

Timmy listened with both ears as they all shared their tales
of the campfires and the marshmallows and the cold ginger ales.
He laughed and asked questions and let them all speak
about the wolf calls and the night stars and the cave and the creek.

He felt a little bit jealous, but it also felt good
to hear about the fun his friends had had in the wood.

And when they’d told their stories, they all felt great
because it’s always fun to share your experiences with a mate.

“We’re going next weekend, to the very same spot,”
said Arnie the Ass, “and we’d like it a lot,
if you packed your backpack and torch and tent
and we all go back, to where we just went.”

I’d love to,” said Timmy, “it sounds fantastic!
And I promise I won’t be little Mr Bombastic!”

From that day on, Timmy’s whole life seemed to improve.
It was like the needle on the record just hit the right groove.
His friends liked him better, his teachers were impressed.
He felt happy and popular and (hashtag) blessed!

And it was fun to hang out with him – everyone concurred -
since the talkative little tit became the bird who heard…

THE END

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The ungrateful Little Swine


There once was a cute little pink little piggy.
His surname was Wiglet and his first name was Ziggy.
He lived in a lovely little house, in a very nice road,
with a beautiful garden, and a pool, and a toad!
He had friends and a bike and toys and such,
and his parents loved him very, very much.

He had a brand-new skateboard and a soccer ball too,
books and games and his very own loo!
He had his very own bedroom, with his very own bed
and shoes for his feet, and hats for his head
and a lunchbox to open - every day at 1,
with fruit and a cooldrink and a sandwich (or a bun).

Now you’d think he’d be happy with all that he had,
but no, little Ziggy only saw the bad…

His bike wasn’t new enough – not by a mile!
And his food was so plain that he just couldn’t smile.

He really really didn’t want to go to school,
and the water was too cold in his swimming pool.

The vacation was boring – he wanted to go home.
And the movie was stupid – “I’ve seen Home Alone!”
“I don’t feel like going to the beach!” he’d say,
and: “why won’t the neighbour’s weird kid go away?”

All day long, he’d complain and he’d whine,
because Ziggy was an ungrateful little swine.

One day his parents took him out to the slums
to show him some piggies with very dirty bums.
“But why is that one so thin?” asked Ziggy.
“Well”, said his mom, “there’s no food in that piggy!”

There’s no mommy to feed him, no butter, no bread…
Who knows when last that little piggy was fed?
He has no lunchbox, no books and no shiny toys.
There are no beach trips or new clothes for some little boys.”

Why, some little piggies have nothing at all…
No flat screen tv, no soccer ball,
no scooter or skateboard and definitely no bike
(and no rich uncle, like your uncle Mike).
There’s no money for school, so no education.
And do you think these little piggies ever go on vacation?”

Ziggy looked at the slumpiggies and after a while,
He noticed something strange – it was… a smile!
And there was another, and another and more!
Ziggy counted twelve, seventeen, twenty-one, twenty-four!
“But mommy”, he asked, “If everything’s so bad,
why are these piggies so… not very sad?
Why are they smiling and happy and stuff,
when it’s obviously obvious they don’t have enough?”

“Well”, said his mommy, “I think it’s because…
when you don’t have very much, you learn to value what’s yours.
You learn to appreciate everything you’ve got.
Whether it’s old or new, whether it’s perfect or not!”

“That little piggy’s toy is a big round stone.
He’s not complaining about his old-ish iPhone.

And those two old piggies are smiling broadly today,
just because they had a roll in the hay!”

“These piggies appreciate every little thing -
the bright stars at night, a butterfly wing,
an old crust of toast, a puddle of mud,
a sunshiny day spent outside with a bud,
a fresh patch of grass, the scent of a flower…
They’re grateful every second, every minute, and every hour!”

Later that night when Ziggy was in bed,
he couldn’t get the slumpigs out of his head.
He lay there, warm, and snuggled up tight,
and wondered how warm they were tonight.

The next morning at breakfast, as he sipped his tea,
he thought about saying “oh, woe is me!”
But then he wondered if the slumpigs were sitting down to food
and instead he said “thank you, it’s very, very good!”

When it was time for school, he didn’t complain.
He thought “I’m lucky to be able to train my brain!”
And when he opened his lunchbox and rolled his eyes,
Ziggy realised - much to his surprise -
that moaning about this and complaining about that
probably meant he was a bit of a brat…

He decided then and there that enough was enough
and that he would be grateful for all kinds of stuff!
For every new morning and every new night,
for his little piggy tail, for his hearing and sight,
for his toys and tv and toad and pool,
his bike and his bed - and even his school!

He was a very lucky piglet – he understood that now,
and so he made a solemn vow…
He promised his mommy he wouldn’t complain
about the sun or the wind or the snow or the rain
or the shoes on his feet or the food on his plate.

Ziggy had learned to appreciate!

And a funny thing happened from that very day.
He began to see things in a whole new way.

The pool was refreshing – no longer too cold,
and his bike was awesome – didn’t matter how old!

The peanut butter sandwich was actually quite yum.
And that movie was funny – the one he’d thought was dumb.

Everything’s better when you’re grateful, you see.
From your clothes to your food, and even a cup of tea.

A dull day at the beach becomes a wonderful treat.
And that boring apple suddenly tastes quite sweet.

“This vacation’s so fun it must never ever end!”
and the kid down the street… starts to look like a friend.

In fact the whole wide world began to look better to young Ziggy
the day that ungrateful little swine became a thankful little piggy.

THE END

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What are you missing most?


There are nine days left of the “hard lockdown” we’re currently experiencing. After that, who knows? We definitely won’t be attending any festivals for a very long time. (Insert sad face.) We probably won’t be booking flights anywhere for a while. And we’ll most likely be sanitising bedonnered and fistbumping our besties well into the future.

But aren’t we going to be delighted to be able to buy what we want, when we want it? Aren’t we going to be so grateful when we can hug our parents and spend quality time with them again? And aren’t we going to be overjoyed to have friends over for drinks - without fear of jail time or having to ration what’s left of the booze stash?

In other words, we are being given the opportunity to not only learn more about who and what’s important to us, but also to start to actively appreciate those people and things - to the max.

I think that’s my biggest take away from this experience - what I may have been taking for granted. The ocean. The mountains. My folks and friends. The freedom to walk my dogs in the most exquisite places. A steady stream of work and income. A beer at Dunes. My brother in the US, who I don’t speak to nearly enough. Bikram in a stunning yoga studio. Pitching my tent at a music or spiritual festival. Seeing the final four episodes of the latest season of Grey’s Anatomy (it’s OK Shonda, we understand why you had to halt filming.)

I am trying not to lament the lack of these things at the moment, but rather attempting to practice gratitude, and commit to being more aware post-lockdown, so that I do all these things more often, and with my full appreciation.

I didn’t attend a yoga class for months - months, people! And as lockdown hit, I thought “Aaw no, that means I can’t go to yoga, boo hoo, poor me.”

Really, Nikki? Really?

What and who are you missing the most?

What can’t you wait to do? Where can’t you wait to go? Who can’t you wait to hug?

From what I’m seeing on social media, it seems the big question is actually - what can’t you wait to drink?

I am not a big drinker, but how I thought 12 Savanna Lites were going to see me through is beyond me. So I can’t wait for a Savanna Lite… ooooh and a Castle Draught. Not at the same time.

(Actually, maybe at the same time.)

I can’t wait to hang out at my folks’ place and take my dogs up a mountain and drive up the west coast and have some peeps round for a braai and go for sushi and pitch my tent.

I think this has been a time of reflection for many of us, and a chance to reassess who and what we value most in this funny old life.

May we never ever take any of it for granted again.

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Asshole Quiz


You know how sometimes you come across someone who is rude to waiters, belittles parking attendants, treats their partner badly and just generally leaves you feeling not-so-nice? It occurred to me that those very people probably don’t know that they are assholes…

So I thought a little tool might be useful in very quickly identifying our asshole-potential!

Now I know it’s not nice to think that YOU might be an asshole but alas, sometimes one must consider it as a possibility. And if you’re not, let this help you identify any people in your life who might be in danger of becoming an asshole or who are already giant assholes.

Simply answer YES or NO to the following questions

  1. Have you fallen out with one or more friends in the last year?
  2. Have you had any kind of falling out with any of your family members in the last year?
  3. Do any of your husband / wife / partner’s friends dislike you?
  4. Could you describe any of your close friendships or relationships as volatile, or “up and down”.
  5. Do you ever get the feeling that those close to you are walking on eggshells, afraid of upsetting you?
  6. Are there times when you truly dislike yourself?
  7. Do you ever wish harm or unhappiness on others?
  8. Have your colleagues ever complained to your superiors about your attitude?
  9. Have you made someone close to you cry in the last three months?
  10. Do you ever get the feeling that people are purposefully avoiding you?
  11. Has anyone told you in the last six months that you are mean, nasty, selfish, spiteful or manipulative?
  12. Has anyone purposefully damaged your property or acted maliciously towards you in the last year “to get you back”?
  13. Do you often find yourself enthusiastically gossiping about other people?
  14. Has someone actually called you an asshole or similar in the past six months?

Now count up all your YES answers…

0 YES answers

You’re a saint. You’re a good person. You’re lovely. You’re nice. But you must beware of being a doormat. Read those questions again and see if anyone in your life sprung to mind as you read… If so, you might be in danger of giving too much of your precious time and energy to an asshole. Think about it. If you do feel like you’re the flipside to someone else’s asshole coin, start making changes today. Don’t forget that as nice as it is to be nice, it’s not nice when your niceness allows someone else to be not nice to you.


1 – 4 YES answers

That’s ok. It’s normal to have the odd little drama here and there – we’re all human after all. Sometimes we’re misunderstood. Sometimes we’re grumpy as all hell. Sometimes we’re going through stuff and sometimes we’re just premenstrual and have a brat attack for no good reason and That’s ok. Just be aware of how often you have emo drama in your life and keep it to a minimum.


5 – 8 YES answers

Look at your answers again carefully and make sure you are not just persecuting yourself. Are all your YES answers true, or are you making unfair assumptions and judgements about yourself? If they really are true, then see where you can slowly start to change your behaviour to the benefit of yourself and those around you. Look at what your triggers are and dig deep to try to understand why things trigger you into behaving in the way of the asshole. What are your personality traits, characteristics, attitudes or behaviours that account for most of your YES answers above? For instance – jealousy or low self-esteem or aggression or sarcasm or manipulation. What should you be doing LESS of and which behaviours or attitudes (like empathy, compassion, patience etc.) should you be practising more? Come on. Make an effort to be nicer.


More than 8 YES answers

Woah, Nelly! If you really had more than 8 YES answers, you should probably find some time to examine WHY. Are you holding onto old anger and resentment? Are you acting and speaking from your truth or are you always defending yourself? Are you always making excuses for your behaviour and blaming others for the drama in your life? Or, if you’re truthful, do you realise that most of the time, it is in fact YOUR shitty attitude that causes problems in your relationships? If so, it’s time to admit that you are not being the best you that you can be. DON’T PANIC. You can learn to understand and love yourself better. You can change your attitude towards life. You can change your behaviour towards other people and build more meaningful and truthful relationships. But it is most definitely time to make a change. Get your shit together, asshole.


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Karma


I wanted to say a quick word about Karma because I was reminded again recently of just how powerful it is.

I was freelancing at an agency in Somerset Road for two days. Running late on day one and struggling to find parking, I decided to bite the bullet and park in the Cape Quarter 2 parking. By the time I got back to my car later that day, I owed 60 South African Rond.

I handed R100 over and the sweetest lady behind the counter gave me my change. But as I drove out I realised she had given me 60 back instead of 40.

It didn’t feel right to keep driving, so I missioned like crazy in rush hour to turn around and I went back and gave her R20 back. She was very grateful and surprised and it felt nice.

The very next day I was again looking for parking in Somerset Road and surrounds and decided to go and park at CQ2 again because paying R60 was less taxing on the nerves than driving up and down the one way streets for 45 minutes. Different lady this time.

When I came back to my car hours later, expecting to pay R60 again, what do you know? There’s a manager-type guy standing at the open boom, and he smiles and tells me it’s my lucky day because they have to do something to the card machine quickly and I can just go.

Hello.
Rewarded karmically, the very next day, at the exact same place!

Would the Universe have conspired to let that happen had I driven off in glee clutching my scored R20 the day before??

I THINK NOT.

We all know the expressions “you reap what you sow” and “what goes around comes around”….

I like this one though:

Karma is the eternal assertion of human freedom. Our THOUGHTS, WORDS and DEEDS are the threads of the net which we throw around ourselves.” Swami Vivekananda

Isn’t that beautiful?

All these expressions boil down to the same thing: Spread love and joy and happiness around and it will come back to you.

Every time you make a choice about something, simply let your heart guide you and make the BEST choice in the moment: the choice which will be of the greatest benefit to you and those around you. And I truly believe there is always ONE choice which is the BEST for all.

Keep an eye out for the way you make your choices and the karma that you attract to yourself. That net that you have made - what does it look like? Those seeds that you are sowing on a daily basis - are they going to grow into love and light and happiness?

We also sometimes say “Karma is a bitch” and yes, she certainly is, if you are.

But if you are honest and kind and your words, thoughts and deeds are based in love, then Karma can be the sweetest lover, the best friend, the most comforting mother…

Be nice. And nice things will happen to you.

:)

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On attitude


If you had to plot your range of emotions and attitudes on a daily chart – literally, chart every single emotion as you feel it, all day for a few days, which emotions and states of mind would populate your chart most of the time? Not necessarily what you are portraying, but more in your own head… the thoughts you have?

For instance… you wake up and immediately need to wee. Do you experience IRRITATION at the fact that you can’t lie in for a few minutes; do you feel downright ANGER because this is not how you wanted to wake up, bla bla bla… or do you simply accept the fact, feel GRATITUDE for a good night’s sleep and go and pee with a smile on your face?

While peeing, do you think about what that stupid cow at the office said yesterday (HATRED) or do you think about ways to mend your relationship with the aforementioned cow, because she’s just another person trying to make their way through the world? (EMPATHY)

When driving to work, do you feel FRUSTRATION at slow drivers or people who try to cut in front of you and even worse, the bastards who block you from cutting in? Or do you practice ACCEPTANCE and simply listen to music and take ENJOYMENT from the drive?

When you see a larger-than-life woman with a gorgeous husband while grabbing a bagel for brekkie, do you express UNKINDNESS about her? Do you make JUDGEMENTS AND ASSUMPTIONS about their relationship or do you think “You go girl!”? (KINDNESS)

So you can see that just by going through your normal day you can have in your heart irritation, anger, hatred, frustration, unkindness, judgements and assumptions… OR, with exactly the same outer experiences, you can feel acceptance, gratitude, empathy, enjoyment and kindness…

That, I believe, is attitude! And it’s generally either mostly POSITIVE or mostly NEGATIVE.

Start paying real attention to your ATTITUDE towards life, love, yourself, your job, partner, friends and family. Make a mental (or written) note of the range of emotions, feelings and attitudes that live in your head and heart and see if you can’t start turning those negative ones around?

Cultivate a positive, happy attitude towards life and life will improve. I can almost guarantee it.

If you truly feel that you do already have a happy positive attitude towards life in general, BE GRATEFUL every day and start to consciously spread that happy attitude by being an example to the people around you!

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