lovenotfear Thoughts and inspiration for a happier you




The Talkative Little Tit


There once was a little grey, black and white bird
(the noisiest creature that you ever heard).
He lived in Lush Haven and his name was Tim,
and every two seconds, he chirped on a whim!

Now Timmy was funny and clever and cool,
but he never stopped twittering - not even at school!
He talked over his teachers and chatted in class,
and his non-stop chirping was a pain for the ass.

Nobody could ever hear themselves think -
not the pig or the cat or the slug or the fink.
No matter where or with whom, he just never quit…
Because Timmy was a talkative little tit!

Timmy missed out on all sorts of things;
the lessons at school, the cricket who sings.
“I’m having a party and I’d like you to attend!”
said Robbie, his red-breasted robin friend.
But Timmy was chattering away and he didn’t hear…
so he missed the cake, the fun and games, and the cheer!

He never listened to the babbling brook
or really heard the story, when his teacher read a book.
He missed out on wisdom and jokes and information,
because he never shut down his communication station!

But even more annoying than his constant chatter
was how he made others feel like they just didn’t matter…

He interrupted their stories every single time,
with a story of his own, or a chirp or a chime.
And he never asked questions about anyone else;
the talkative little tit only spoke about… himself.

One day Timmy’s friends planned a camping trip.
There was Cray-Cray and Robbie and slippery Slip,
and Sally the sparrow and Arnie and Paul,
Tom the cat and Ziggy and all!

“Shall we invite Timmy?” asked Sally the Sparrow.
“No”, said Arnie, “I’ll shoot straight as an arrow -
that bird talks one heck of a lot
and we want peace and quiet at our camping spot.”

“You’re right” said Slip, “let’sss not invite him.
Ssssometimes he’ssss so noisy, I jussst want to bite him!”

“Well alright then”, said Sally, “we’ll leave him behind…
Oh, I really hope he doesn’t mind!”

When Timmy flew by and saw they were packing,
he asked what they were doing, but his manners were lacking
so he didn’t wait for a single reply.
He just carried on chatting about what, when and why,
and so come the next morning when he went around to play,
nobody was home, not even Cray-Cray!

He saw Cray-Cray’s uncle, a crabby old bugger,
and said: “have you seen Cray-Cray or Sally or Slugger?”
“No”, said the crab, “I ain’t seen them at all,
nor Arnie or Tom or Ziggy or Paul”.

Timmy searched high and boy, he searched low,
but he just couldn’t find them - where did they go?

He saw Sally’s neighbour, who was a blind old bat.
“Do you know the whereabouts of Sally or Tom the cat?”

“They’re camping,” said the bat, “they seemed quite excited!
But don’t tell the tit - he wasn’t invited.
They wanted peace and quiet all weekend,
so they left behind their noisy little friend.”

Well Timmy was shocked, by what he had heard
and for the first time ever, he didn’t say a word.
He just flew away, quiet as could be,
across the meadow, past the old oak tree,
down to the orchard and up past the stream,
where he came across his uncle, Uncle Kareem.

“How are you my child?” asked the old bird,
and waited for the answer, but none was heard…
“Why so quiet, Timmy? It’s so unlike you…
Are you ill? Are you sick? Do you have the flu?”

“No” said Timmy, “I’m doing okay…
I just feel sad, because my friends went away.”

So Timmy told him all about the big trip,
with Sally and Slugger and Arnie and Slip,
and Ziggy and Cray-Cray and Tom and Paul,
and how they didn’t want to invite him along, at all.

His uncle listened and then said with a smile:
“Why don’t you perch quietly over here for a while?
You can stay and have some lunch with me –
I’ll make us a pot of Owl Grey tea!”

Timmy perched on the branch and kept quite still,
but he felt like he was swallowing a very bitter pill.
His beak began to quiver, he felt the rise of a tear,
but then a funny thing happened, he began to hear…

He heard the gentle breeze, rustling through the leaves,
and the sound of the weaver at work, as it weaves.

He heard little dogs barking, and young kids at play.
He heard a wolf howl, and a horse neigh!

He heard the cow that moos and the cricket that sings.
Oh, he heard all sorts of wonderful things!

When his Uncle returned with lunch on a tray,
Timmy ate, and sipped tea, with not much to say.
But when lunch was done and he felt good as new,
He turned to his Uncle and asked: “how are you?”

His uncle spoke about his health and his morning,
but then changed the subject and gave Timmy a warning.
“It’s important to listen, Timmy, my boy;
constant chatter does tend to annoy!
Learn to hear your teachers, family, and friends -
and maybe you’ll be invited on those camping weekends!”

“Thank you,” said Timmy, nodding his head.
“I listened to every word you said.
I’ll try to remember not to talk all the time,
or interrupt other creatures with a chirp or a chime!”

The next day his friends came back from the woods
with their tents and backpacks and other tiny camping goods.
And while they were unpacking, young Timmy flew by,
but instead of being noisy, he seemed a bit… shy.

“Did you have a good weekend?” was all that he said,
and then settled on a branch and cocked his head.

His friends were astounded that Timmy was so quiet.
They were expecting to come home to a yackety riot.

At last Timmy spoke. He said “I’d like to apologise.
The events of this weekend have opened my eyes
and I guess you could say, they also opened my ears!
So I’m sorry my pals, my friends, my dears!
I’d really like to be a better friend,
so please tell me all about your camping weekend!”

“Well, ok,” said Sally, “it was quite delightful,
although the wolf calls at night can be rather frightful!”

Timmy listened with both ears as they all shared their tales
of the campfires and the marshmallows and the cold ginger ales.
He laughed and asked questions and let them all speak
about the wolf calls and the night stars and the cave and the creek.

He felt a little bit jealous, but it also felt good
to hear about the fun his friends had had in the wood.

And when they’d told their stories, they all felt great
because it’s always fun to share your experiences with a mate.

“We’re going next weekend, to the very same spot,”
said Arnie the Ass, “and we’d like it a lot,
if you packed your backpack and torch and tent
and we all go back, to where we just went.”

I’d love to,” said Timmy, “it sounds fantastic!
And I promise I won’t be little Mr Bombastic!”

From that day on, Timmy’s whole life seemed to improve.
It was like the needle on the record just hit the right groove.
His friends liked him better, his teachers were impressed.
He felt happy and popular and (hashtag) blessed!

And it was fun to hang out with him – everyone concurred -
since the talkative little tit became the bird who heard…

THE END

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Spring Clean your Friendships


I think it’s important every now and then to stop and consider your friendships: establish who your real friends are, which new friendships you should pursue and which friendships are sapping too much of your energy. What better time to do that than right now, before the social season kicks in? Consider it a sort of spring cleaning of the friends.

So how do you go about this?

STEP 1

UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

Establish what friendship means to you. I’ve made my own little list of what I think friends are. See if you agree and then add your own criteria to the list. Don’t necessarily think about YOUR friends – just think about what you think friendship is or should be.

I think good friends are people who:

• Take the time to ask you how you feel
• Listen to what you say
• Invite you to spend time with them
• Hug you for no reason
• Tell you they love you
• Take a real interest in your life
• Trust you with their secrets and keep yours under lock and key
• Are truthful with you, but always kind
• Are open to you
• Enjoy similar things to you
* Call you on your stuff
* Truly want you to be happy, successful and all the good things

And most importantly, a good friend is someone who makes you feel good about yourself. They should not make you feel guilty or misunderstood or in competition or feeling like you have to watch what you say. You don’t feel judged or put down in any way. You can be yourself.

Step 1 is really about knowing how you feel about friendship – how you would define it.

STEP 2

MAKE A LIST OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS

Now think about your friends. Who are they? (Other than the 357 friends you have on facebook…)

Start by listing the people you spend the most time with (outside of work). Now think about who your favourite favourite people are – even if they live far away or you don’t see them that much… Do the two lists match up? Are you spending the most time with your favourite peeps?

STEP 3

ESTABLISH THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Now that you have a list of who your friends are, think about how these people fulfil your idea of what friendship is from step 1.

Who are the people who tick most of the boxes and especially, who makes you feel good about yourself and comfortable to be yourself?

 Which of these friends do you love?
 Who do you trust?
 Who do you feel the safest with?
 Who can you really be yourself with?
 Who loves you?
 Who do you have unresolved issues with?

Really think about what each friend gives you. What it is you enjoy about each one and where do you feel you are not enjoying the friendship truthfully?

Analyse each friendship in terms of the amount of joy it brings you and how “safe” you feel really being yourself. You might find the list gets considerably shorter as you go through your criteria.

STEP 4

WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?

I remember reading somewhere (probably a Famous Five or Secret Seven book) that in order to have good friends you have to be a good friend. It’s always stuck with me – or rather resurfaced whenever I felt lacking in the friend department or let go of a friendship for whatever reason…

You’ve looked at how you think your friends fair. How do you match up? Look at your list of criteria again. Are there areas where you fall short? Are there friendships where you give too little? Or too much?

For instance, do you know as much about your friends as they know about you? Do you remember their birthdays and their kids’ birthdays? Do you appreciate them for the people they are? Do you give as much as you receive? Do you ask them how they are and listen to the answer? Do you gossip about your friends? Do you wish them well or are you envious of their success? Are YOU honest and supportive and compassionate and fun to be around?

STEP 5

TAKE ACTION

So now you have a good feeling for who the most special people in your life are. And you’ve thought about the kind of friend you are… What steps do you need to take to spring clean your friendships?

 Maybe you need to email your long distance friends more and grow the friendships despite the distance?
 Perhaps you’ve realised you have a friend or two who just doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or who you don’t have that much in common with after all?
 Do you need to reach our more to the people you care about?
 Do you have friends who are going through “stuff” who could use a bit more support?
 Is there a friendship you need to get “back on track” by getting something off your chest?
 Are there any on your list who you can honestly say bring you NO JOY?
 Anyone on your list who would be delighted to receive a small surprise gift or even a phone call from you – just because you love them?
 Any new friends you really want to make an effort to get to know better?
 Anyone you’ve lost touch with who you want to rekindle the friendship with?

Work out your own action plan and then take real steps – STARTING TODAY - towards ensuring all your friendships are real, true and mutually joyful!

FINALLY, Step 6. If you wrote a list of your friends and gave them all ratings and wrote down honest thoughts about them, burn or delete that list this instant. For real.

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25 ways to get into a good mood today


So you sometimes find yourself in a crappy mood and you can’t really figure it out because nothing’s really wrong, but you just can’t shake it and find yourself sneering at your pet fish? Here are some easy, cheap and fun ways to improve your mood, very quickly. It’s not rocket science, but we sometimes forget in those dull, gloomy moments that there are things are that can improve our moods.

  1. Go to you tube and search “Funny kid”, “adorable”, “cutest thing ever” or similar. You are bound to find something that tickles your funny bone and makes you feel better… (Don’t do this if the reason you’re in a bad mood is related in any way to your wasting so much time online)
  2. Meditate. If you don’t know how, then just lie or sit comfortably with your eyes close and breathe easy for a while, trying at the same time to consciously concentrate on relaxing every part of your body. If your mind wanders, simply turn your focus back to your breathing and relaxing. Don’t allow negative thoughts to take hold. Breathe and let them go and think only about nice stuff, if you must think. Do this for 10 minutes and you will feel better.
  3. Watch a sunrise.
  4. Watch a sunset.
  5. Eat a hot fudge and choc-chip ice cream in a sugar cone.
  6. Have an orgasm.
  7. Have an orgasm while eating a hot fudge and choc-chip ice cream in a sugar cone.
  8. Play a song or CD you love dancing to and then… just dance! Crank it up, close your eyes, kick off your shoes, let down your hair and shake shake shake what your mama gave you.
  9. Watch a fantastic comedy or musical - something you know you love. My go-to’s are Romance and Cigarettes, Bridesmaids and anything with Kristen Wiig in.
  10. Get some sun. Even if you’re stuck behind a computer all day, just step outside for 5 minutes and feel that delicious sunshine on your face. (Unless of course you live somewhere super chilly and rainy. Like Scotland. In which case you’re kinda missing an item on this list. Ok your No. 10 is Have some Whiskey. Not a lot though.)
  11. Lie down on a fresh, soft patch of grass with your eyes closed and smile. It’s impossible to not feel better.
  12. Spend a few minutes or an hour with animals – if you have pets go and snuggle up or play or just connect with them. If you don’t have pets, visit friends who do, visit an aquarium or go the dog park and make furry friends. WARNING: Approach strange dogs with caution.
  13. Daydream. Visualise a perfect day you might be able to have sometime in the near future – if you have plans, or expecting visitors over December or whatever – imagine yourself on that beach or taking the road trip or even just being off for a few days and being able to sleep in. Let yourself fantasise about a totally plausible event… It’s powerful.
  14. Create something. Buy a R40 pack of clay and make a mini bust of Trump; or paint or draw something, make up a silly song, write a haiku… Being creative releases feel-good-juices.
  15. Exercise also releases serious endorphins, so you can’t help but feel better. If you are a regular exerciser, do your favourite form – yoga, gym, mountain biking etc. If you haven’t exercised for many years, don’t panic. There have been some advancements since the jumping jack and aerobics. I would suggest hot yoga; walking on a mountain; frisbee on the beach; surfing; pilates; hot yoga, indoor rock climbing, rollerblading, swimming and did I mention hot yoga?
  16. Find pretty things in nature – go searching for shells or pebbles or crystals or wild flowers. Seriously. You might think you’re not in the mood, but when your feet hit that sand and you start looking around, magic can happen!
  17. I was in a bad mood recently and then I drank my first ever Frankie’s Root Beer and my mood improved instantly. True story. If you’ve never tasted root beer, I can tell you that it tastes almost exactly like FUN.
  18. Do something nice for someone else. Bake cupcakes and take them to a children’s home, or make sandwiches for your local homeless peeps or just perform a random act of kindness towards a stranger. Creating a joyous moment for someone else will put you in a good mood. Unless you’re a real meanie.
  19. Slap asses. I don’t know about you, but slapping someone’s ass always makes me feel better. Sneak up on co-workers, chase the postman and get a good slap in there, surprise your housemate with a good one… use your imagination.
  20. Phone someone you adore – a friend, sibling, granny etc. and have a chat. Make sure it’s someone who is positive and happy and makes you feel good.
  21. Make a list of things to look forward to. You might feel like you don’t have that much to look forward to…but once you get going, there’s probably quite a lot! Examples: Christmas, payday, movie night, date night, a new season of Masterchef Australia, a friend’s birthday party, your New Year’s Eve plans, a sporting event you’re attending or partaking in, your Christmas Turducken, an upcoming festival, stuff like that.
  22. Think about all the things you’re grateful for. Once you start listing them, you’ll be surprised how many there are and it will be impossible not to snap out of your shitty little mood.
  23. Take a nice long drive somewhere pretty, play some singalong songs and wind down your window and sing like there’s no tomorrow!
  24. Breathe. Just sit somewhere nice and breathe – take 9 in and 9 out, three times, through the nose, with your exhalations and inhalations the same length of time. Feel that lovely stuff filling your lungs. You’re alive!
  25. Buy yourself a gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive or anything… Just work out your budget, think about stuff YOU love a lot or anything that’s interesting you at the moment or anything you might need to make your life easier or more enjoyable and then go out and buy yourself a present. “Because you’re worth it”. It could be mascara or a CD or a new pair of shoes or a Kinder Joy chocolate.

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Asshole Quiz


You know how sometimes you come across someone who is rude to waiters, belittles parking attendants, treats their partner badly and just generally leaves you feeling not-so-nice? It occurred to me that those very people probably don’t know that they are assholes…

So I thought a little tool might be useful in very quickly identifying our asshole-potential!

Now I know it’s not nice to think that YOU might be an asshole but alas, sometimes one must consider it as a possibility. And if you’re not, let this help you identify any people in your life who might be in danger of becoming an asshole or who are already giant assholes.

Simply answer YES or NO to the following questions

  1. Have you fallen out with one or more friends in the last year?
  2. Have you had any kind of falling out with any of your family members in the last year?
  3. Do any of your husband / wife / partner’s friends dislike you?
  4. Could you describe any of your close friendships or relationships as volatile, or “up and down”.
  5. Do you ever get the feeling that those close to you are walking on eggshells, afraid of upsetting you?
  6. Are there times when you truly dislike yourself?
  7. Do you ever wish harm or unhappiness on others?
  8. Have your colleagues ever complained to your superiors about your attitude?
  9. Have you made someone close to you cry in the last three months?
  10. Do you ever get the feeling that people are purposefully avoiding you?
  11. Has anyone told you in the last six months that you are mean, nasty, selfish, spiteful or manipulative?
  12. Has anyone purposefully damaged your property or acted maliciously towards you in the last year “to get you back”?
  13. Do you often find yourself enthusiastically gossiping about other people?
  14. Has someone actually called you an asshole or similar in the past six months?

Now count up all your YES answers…

0 YES answers

You’re a saint. You’re a good person. You’re lovely. You’re nice. But you must beware of being a doormat. Read those questions again and see if anyone in your life sprung to mind as you read… If so, you might be in danger of giving too much of your precious time and energy to an asshole. Think about it. If you do feel like you’re the flipside to someone else’s asshole coin, start making changes today. Don’t forget that as nice as it is to be nice, it’s not nice when your niceness allows someone else to be not nice to you.


1 – 4 YES answers

That’s ok. It’s normal to have the odd little drama here and there – we’re all human after all. Sometimes we’re misunderstood. Sometimes we’re grumpy as all hell. Sometimes we’re going through stuff and sometimes we’re just premenstrual and have a brat attack for no good reason and That’s ok. Just be aware of how often you have emo drama in your life and keep it to a minimum.


5 – 8 YES answers

Look at your answers again carefully and make sure you are not just persecuting yourself. Are all your YES answers true, or are you making unfair assumptions and judgements about yourself? If they really are true, then see where you can slowly start to change your behaviour to the benefit of yourself and those around you. Look at what your triggers are and dig deep to try to understand why things trigger you into behaving in the way of the asshole. What are your personality traits, characteristics, attitudes or behaviours that account for most of your YES answers above? For instance – jealousy or low self-esteem or aggression or sarcasm or manipulation. What should you be doing LESS of and which behaviours or attitudes (like empathy, compassion, patience etc.) should you be practising more? Come on. Make an effort to be nicer.


More than 8 YES answers

Woah, Nelly! If you really had more than 8 YES answers, you should probably find some time to examine WHY. Are you holding onto old anger and resentment? Are you acting and speaking from your truth or are you always defending yourself? Are you always making excuses for your behaviour and blaming others for the drama in your life? Or, if you’re truthful, do you realise that most of the time, it is in fact YOUR shitty attitude that causes problems in your relationships? If so, it’s time to admit that you are not being the best you that you can be. DON’T PANIC. You can learn to understand and love yourself better. You can change your attitude towards life. You can change your behaviour towards other people and build more meaningful and truthful relationships. But it is most definitely time to make a change. Get your shit together, asshole.


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