lovenotfear Thoughts and inspiration for a happier you




The Talkative Little Tit


There once was a little grey, black and white bird
(the noisiest creature that you ever heard).
He lived in Lush Haven and his name was Tim,
and every two seconds, he chirped on a whim!

Now Timmy was funny and clever and cool,
but he never stopped twittering - not even at school!
He talked over his teachers and chatted in class,
and his non-stop chirping was a pain for the ass.

Nobody could ever hear themselves think -
not the pig or the cat or the slug or the fink.
No matter where or with whom, he just never quit…
Because Timmy was a talkative little tit!

Timmy missed out on all sorts of things;
the lessons at school, the cricket who sings.
“I’m having a party and I’d like you to attend!”
said Robbie, his red-breasted robin friend.
But Timmy was chattering away and he didn’t hear…
so he missed the cake, the fun and games, and the cheer!

He never listened to the babbling brook
or really heard the story, when his teacher read a book.
He missed out on wisdom and jokes and information,
because he never shut down his communication station!

But even more annoying than his constant chatter
was how he made others feel like they just didn’t matter…

He interrupted their stories every single time,
with a story of his own, or a chirp or a chime.
And he never asked questions about anyone else;
the talkative little tit only spoke about… himself.

One day Timmy’s friends planned a camping trip.
There was Cray-Cray and Robbie and slippery Slip,
and Sally the sparrow and Arnie and Paul,
Tom the cat and Ziggy and all!

“Shall we invite Timmy?” asked Sally the Sparrow.
“No”, said Arnie, “I’ll shoot straight as an arrow -
that bird talks one heck of a lot
and we want peace and quiet at our camping spot.”

“You’re right” said Slip, “let’sss not invite him.
Ssssometimes he’ssss so noisy, I jussst want to bite him!”

“Well alright then”, said Sally, “we’ll leave him behind…
Oh, I really hope he doesn’t mind!”

When Timmy flew by and saw they were packing,
he asked what they were doing, but his manners were lacking
so he didn’t wait for a single reply.
He just carried on chatting about what, when and why,
and so come the next morning when he went around to play,
nobody was home, not even Cray-Cray!

He saw Cray-Cray’s uncle, a crabby old bugger,
and said: “have you seen Cray-Cray or Sally or Slugger?”
“No”, said the crab, “I ain’t seen them at all,
nor Arnie or Tom or Ziggy or Paul”.

Timmy searched high and boy, he searched low,
but he just couldn’t find them - where did they go?

He saw Sally’s neighbour, who was a blind old bat.
“Do you know the whereabouts of Sally or Tom the cat?”

“They’re camping,” said the bat, “they seemed quite excited!
But don’t tell the tit - he wasn’t invited.
They wanted peace and quiet all weekend,
so they left behind their noisy little friend.”

Well Timmy was shocked, by what he had heard
and for the first time ever, he didn’t say a word.
He just flew away, quiet as could be,
across the meadow, past the old oak tree,
down to the orchard and up past the stream,
where he came across his uncle, Uncle Kareem.

“How are you my child?” asked the old bird,
and waited for the answer, but none was heard…
“Why so quiet, Timmy? It’s so unlike you…
Are you ill? Are you sick? Do you have the flu?”

“No” said Timmy, “I’m doing okay…
I just feel sad, because my friends went away.”

So Timmy told him all about the big trip,
with Sally and Slugger and Arnie and Slip,
and Ziggy and Cray-Cray and Tom and Paul,
and how they didn’t want to invite him along, at all.

His uncle listened and then said with a smile:
“Why don’t you perch quietly over here for a while?
You can stay and have some lunch with me –
I’ll make us a pot of Owl Grey tea!”

Timmy perched on the branch and kept quite still,
but he felt like he was swallowing a very bitter pill.
His beak began to quiver, he felt the rise of a tear,
but then a funny thing happened, he began to hear…

He heard the gentle breeze, rustling through the leaves,
and the sound of the weaver at work, as it weaves.

He heard little dogs barking, and young kids at play.
He heard a wolf howl, and a horse neigh!

He heard the cow that moos and the cricket that sings.
Oh, he heard all sorts of wonderful things!

When his Uncle returned with lunch on a tray,
Timmy ate, and sipped tea, with not much to say.
But when lunch was done and he felt good as new,
He turned to his Uncle and asked: “how are you?”

His uncle spoke about his health and his morning,
but then changed the subject and gave Timmy a warning.
“It’s important to listen, Timmy, my boy;
constant chatter does tend to annoy!
Learn to hear your teachers, family, and friends -
and maybe you’ll be invited on those camping weekends!”

“Thank you,” said Timmy, nodding his head.
“I listened to every word you said.
I’ll try to remember not to talk all the time,
or interrupt other creatures with a chirp or a chime!”

The next day his friends came back from the woods
with their tents and backpacks and other tiny camping goods.
And while they were unpacking, young Timmy flew by,
but instead of being noisy, he seemed a bit… shy.

“Did you have a good weekend?” was all that he said,
and then settled on a branch and cocked his head.

His friends were astounded that Timmy was so quiet.
They were expecting to come home to a yackety riot.

At last Timmy spoke. He said “I’d like to apologise.
The events of this weekend have opened my eyes
and I guess you could say, they also opened my ears!
So I’m sorry my pals, my friends, my dears!
I’d really like to be a better friend,
so please tell me all about your camping weekend!”

“Well, ok,” said Sally, “it was quite delightful,
although the wolf calls at night can be rather frightful!”

Timmy listened with both ears as they all shared their tales
of the campfires and the marshmallows and the cold ginger ales.
He laughed and asked questions and let them all speak
about the wolf calls and the night stars and the cave and the creek.

He felt a little bit jealous, but it also felt good
to hear about the fun his friends had had in the wood.

And when they’d told their stories, they all felt great
because it’s always fun to share your experiences with a mate.

“We’re going next weekend, to the very same spot,”
said Arnie the Ass, “and we’d like it a lot,
if you packed your backpack and torch and tent
and we all go back, to where we just went.”

I’d love to,” said Timmy, “it sounds fantastic!
And I promise I won’t be little Mr Bombastic!”

From that day on, Timmy’s whole life seemed to improve.
It was like the needle on the record just hit the right groove.
His friends liked him better, his teachers were impressed.
He felt happy and popular and (hashtag) blessed!

And it was fun to hang out with him – everyone concurred -
since the talkative little tit became the bird who heard…

THE END

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Spring Clean your Friendships


I think it’s important every now and then to stop and consider your friendships: establish who your real friends are, which new friendships you should pursue and which friendships are sapping too much of your energy. What better time to do that than right now, before the social season kicks in? Consider it a sort of spring cleaning of the friends.

So how do you go about this?

STEP 1

UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

Establish what friendship means to you. I’ve made my own little list of what I think friends are. See if you agree and then add your own criteria to the list. Don’t necessarily think about YOUR friends – just think about what you think friendship is or should be.

I think good friends are people who:

• Take the time to ask you how you feel
• Listen to what you say
• Invite you to spend time with them
• Hug you for no reason
• Tell you they love you
• Take a real interest in your life
• Trust you with their secrets and keep yours under lock and key
• Are truthful with you, but always kind
• Are open to you
• Enjoy similar things to you
* Call you on your stuff
* Truly want you to be happy, successful and all the good things

And most importantly, a good friend is someone who makes you feel good about yourself. They should not make you feel guilty or misunderstood or in competition or feeling like you have to watch what you say. You don’t feel judged or put down in any way. You can be yourself.

Step 1 is really about knowing how you feel about friendship – how you would define it.

STEP 2

MAKE A LIST OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS

Now think about your friends. Who are they? (Other than the 357 friends you have on facebook…)

Start by listing the people you spend the most time with (outside of work). Now think about who your favourite favourite people are – even if they live far away or you don’t see them that much… Do the two lists match up? Are you spending the most time with your favourite peeps?

STEP 3

ESTABLISH THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Now that you have a list of who your friends are, think about how these people fulfil your idea of what friendship is from step 1.

Who are the people who tick most of the boxes and especially, who makes you feel good about yourself and comfortable to be yourself?

 Which of these friends do you love?
 Who do you trust?
 Who do you feel the safest with?
 Who can you really be yourself with?
 Who loves you?
 Who do you have unresolved issues with?

Really think about what each friend gives you. What it is you enjoy about each one and where do you feel you are not enjoying the friendship truthfully?

Analyse each friendship in terms of the amount of joy it brings you and how “safe” you feel really being yourself. You might find the list gets considerably shorter as you go through your criteria.

STEP 4

WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?

I remember reading somewhere (probably a Famous Five or Secret Seven book) that in order to have good friends you have to be a good friend. It’s always stuck with me – or rather resurfaced whenever I felt lacking in the friend department or let go of a friendship for whatever reason…

You’ve looked at how you think your friends fair. How do you match up? Look at your list of criteria again. Are there areas where you fall short? Are there friendships where you give too little? Or too much?

For instance, do you know as much about your friends as they know about you? Do you remember their birthdays and their kids’ birthdays? Do you appreciate them for the people they are? Do you give as much as you receive? Do you ask them how they are and listen to the answer? Do you gossip about your friends? Do you wish them well or are you envious of their success? Are YOU honest and supportive and compassionate and fun to be around?

STEP 5

TAKE ACTION

So now you have a good feeling for who the most special people in your life are. And you’ve thought about the kind of friend you are… What steps do you need to take to spring clean your friendships?

 Maybe you need to email your long distance friends more and grow the friendships despite the distance?
 Perhaps you’ve realised you have a friend or two who just doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or who you don’t have that much in common with after all?
 Do you need to reach our more to the people you care about?
 Do you have friends who are going through “stuff” who could use a bit more support?
 Is there a friendship you need to get “back on track” by getting something off your chest?
 Are there any on your list who you can honestly say bring you NO JOY?
 Anyone on your list who would be delighted to receive a small surprise gift or even a phone call from you – just because you love them?
 Any new friends you really want to make an effort to get to know better?
 Anyone you’ve lost touch with who you want to rekindle the friendship with?

Work out your own action plan and then take real steps – STARTING TODAY - towards ensuring all your friendships are real, true and mutually joyful!

FINALLY, Step 6. If you wrote a list of your friends and gave them all ratings and wrote down honest thoughts about them, burn or delete that list this instant. For real.

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The Law of Least Effort


One of my favourite possessions is a little book by Deepak Chopra called The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success. He has such a wonderful way of simplifying complex philosophies so that the man on the street (or even the woman on the couch) can easily understand them.

Personally I think everyone should buy the book, but until such a time as you have it in your slender hands, I’ll give you a taste – THE LAW OF LEAST EFFORT.

In essence, this law states that nature’s intelligence or the Universe functions with effortless ease … with carefreeness, harmony, and love. And when we as humans harness the forces of harmony, joy, and love, we create success and good fortune in our lives, with effortless ease. He puts it beautifully when he says a blade of grass doesn’t try to grow, it just grows. A bird is not constantly struggling to fly – it just flies.

Wouldn’t be great if we could live as easily and naturally and effortlessly as grass grows… without all this damn struggling we do all the time?

According to the 7 Spiritual Laws, work, money, success, love… all the things we struggle to hold onto all the time, would come to us easily if we learnt to go with the flow of the universe, if we learnt to stop struggling against the natural order of things and learnt to just be…

Let’s take look at a few everyday examples:

The Party”

Let’s say you want to go to a party and the true reason you want to go to this particular party is because your ex is there with his new girlfriend and you want to see what she looks like.

(Don’t pretend you’d never do it)

While you’re getting dressed and visualising what might happen when he sees you 6kg lighter, your phone rings and it’s an old friend in town for the night wanting to hook up for drinks.

TEST: What do you think the easy, harmonious, flow-of-the-universe decision would be?

To let the ex get on with his night and meet up with your mate, of course! Your night will be effortless, fun and uplifting.

But…by declining the friend’s offer and going to the original party, all nervous and full of fear and ill-intent, you are struggling against the natural order of things and will probably have a kak night! Why? Because your decision was in essence based in fear, and not love.


The Artist”

Let’s say you’re an artist and all you really want is to be able to make a living from your art.

But, the nature of the art world being what it is, the strains and stresses of everyday life and societal pressures mean you can’t just create… because as you create, you’re wondering if it will sell, how much it will sell for, etc. You let other people’s crticisms sway you or make you doubt yourself or your ego won’t allow you to take good advice or crticism. Or maybe you refuse to take a normal job in the meantime because you believe it’s a sign of failure etc. etc. when in reality it’s simply a means to the end and perfectly acceptable, if not necessary. Basically, you are letting fears and doubts and ego into your art.

But if for instance you decide to take a part-time job which is actually quite OK and you accept that and your art is a pure expression of love and freedom and joy, and you are simply creating because you are a creator, the positive energy will continue to flow from you and therfore WITH you and more will come to you!

You could even go out of your way to make sure that the job is related to your art, so that it is in alignment with your BIG PLANS, for instance by working nights at the Butt Art Studio.


The Promotion”

Or let’s say you really really want a promotion and when the time comes, someone from outside is appointed and joy of all joys, the skinny little bi-atch is now your superior…

Being bitter, making judgements and assumptions about the decision, being uncooperative with the new chick, walking around the office with a face like a smacked asshole and so on, will not bring you any joy at all and will create a domino effect of struggling with her and could escalate to Dynastian proportions.

But if you embrace the decision and truly carry on with love in your heart, you might find things turn out in your favour after all. Because you just never know what the flow of the universe is. For all you know she feels she doesn’t fit into the company and resigns, recommending you for the position because you’ve been so helpful and supportive and stuff!

See what I’m saying? Trust the Universe. Accept. Go with the flow and things will be easier than you can imagine.

Stop questioning, second-guessing and trying to control. Relinquish that control to the Universe and you’ll soon find you have so much more energy to enjoy yourself.

Which does not mean DO NOTHING. It doesn’t mean you can sit on your ass all day waiting for things to come to you - it simply means there is an EASY path to your success and the things you want in life.


Deepak gives this advice for people wanting to learn to practice The Law of Least Effort

Accept people, circumstances and events as they are in this moment, because it took the entire universe to create this moment.

When confronted with a challenge, remind yourself, “This moment is as it should be, because the entire universe is as it should be.” Accept things as they are, not as you want them to be.

Take responsibility for your situation without blaming anything or anyone, including yourself.

Try to see every problem as an opportunity which can be transformed to greater benefit.

Practice defencelessness: Relinquish the need to defend your point of view. Remain open to all points of view, not rigidly attached to one of them. That way, when opportunity knocks, you’ll willingly open the door!

It’s not easy putting these principles into practice, but it’s not impossible! Baby steps. For instance, when I wake up tomorrow morning and look at my winter blubber, I will accept it, embrace it even. I will accept responsibility for the winter blubber without blaming myself. I will not try to squeeze into something I clearly don’t fit into. Instead I will slip effortlessly and happily into my Tai fishing pants and superwoman t-shirt, slap myself on the ass and say “yeah baby” or similar.

And I definitely won’t spend too much time worrying if you-know-who is getting along with her you-know-what this week. Or when next they may see one another. Breathe. Let go. Trust. Least effort. Flow.

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