lovenotfear Thoughts and inspiration for a happier you




6 ways to make your Mondays less blue


If you are one of those people who suffer from what I call BMS (Blue Monday Syndrome), here are a few simple ways you can turn it around. It won’t happen overnight, but if you re-train your brain you can actually look forward to Mondays.

The first thing to ascertain is why you feel blue on Mondays.

It probably boils down to one of two scenarios.

NUMBER 1. You are not living / working / loving / being the way you want to.

The first is that what you do for a living, or what your week entails makes you unhappy. In other words, there are major changes to be made in your life before you will enjoy or look forward to Mondays. Do you hate your job? Is there anything else in your life that makes Mondays unbearable? If the answer is yes, then consider ways to change that thing. I’m not suggesting you resign or do anything drastic, but what can you do to make it more pleasant, enjoyable, aligned with your purpose and values? Even small shifts can make a difference. In this scenario you are probably enjoying weekends, because you can almost pretend things are good, and then Monday rolls around again and you are hit with reality and you feel miserable.
What big change do you need to make in your life? Start giving it some thought and take small steps in that direction.

Number 2. It’s just that Monday feeling…

The second scenario is preferable – this is when it’s not any particular thing that brings you down. Perhaps you actually like your job and/or your life and your Monday activities, it’s just a mindset habit you have formed over the years. Many people experience this and it’s largely a hangover from childhood, because of the way it used to feel on Sunday evenings when Carte Blanche was on and you had to make sure your home work was done – that dreaded Monday back-to-school after a carefree weekend feeling. If this is the case, you’re lucky, because the only changes that need to take place are in your mind.

Try these ideas!

  1. What one thing can you change?
    What’s the thing that bugs you most on Mondays? Maybe it’s the school run or the stress of getting everyone out the door on time that gets your Mondays off to a bad start? What one thing can you do to improve the situation? Maybe it’s joining a lift club, changing your work start time or – if your kids are still doing their schooling online, sorting out a separate “office” for them.

  2. How can you start your day with a positive wave?
    Maybe you begin to keep a Monday gratitude journal, where you write down all the things that are good and positive in your life. Perhaps it’s a matter of waking 15 minutes earlier and doing a few stretches and a meditation, taking a quick walk or reading something positive and uplifting.

  3. Start a Positives-Only Monday Mindset.
    The idea is to try to focus ONLY on positive things on Mondays. From the time you open your eyes, think about, feel, read, write and listen to only uplifting positive things. What are you looking forward to? What are you grateful for? What makes your heart sing? Focus on those things. Yes, you still have to work, and drop the kids off and wax your legs, but find the joy, the gift, the silver lining in everything. You may start to see this attitude spill over into Tuesdays and Wednesdays and before you know it, life looks a little brighter all-round.

  4. Prepare for Mondays.
    If you know your Mondays are likely to be blue, why not prepare in a way that automatically makes them better or easier? This could involve putting your clothes out on a Sunday night, so there’s one less thing to think about or asking your cleaning lady if she can come in on Mondays, if it’s the weekend mess that irks you. You could also prepare by making sure your work schedule is prepared and you know what the week looks like, so that you don’t start Mondays in a panic, trying to remember what’s going on and freaking out about how much there is to do.

  5. Prepare emotionally too.
    If you know Mondays are blue, try to ensure any triggers are cleared (such as a dirty house or being unprepared for the work week ahead), and then end your Sunday night with a meditation, yoga or stretches, perhaps even coming up with a mantra you can say on Sunday night and Monday morning.

  6. Make Monday the best day.
    Another way is to have some sort of reward or spoil for yourself on a Monday. Whether it’s a yoga class, ready-made meal to look forward to every Monday, or making Monday a night you watch your favourite show for an hour or two or give yourself a manicure and put on a facemask. Make Monday Treat Day!

Above all, bring your awareness to how you feel on a Monday. Awareness is always the first step, followed by making a choice to make a change.

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The ungrateful Little Swine


There once was a cute little pink little piggy.
His surname was Wiglet and his first name was Ziggy.
He lived in a lovely little house, in a very nice road,
with a beautiful garden, and a pool, and a toad!
He had friends and a bike and toys and such,
and his parents loved him very, very much.

He had a brand-new skateboard and a soccer ball too,
books and games and his very own loo!
He had his very own bedroom, with his very own bed
and shoes for his feet, and hats for his head
and a lunchbox to open - every day at 1,
with fruit and a cooldrink and a sandwich (or a bun).

Now you’d think he’d be happy with all that he had,
but no, little Ziggy only saw the bad…

His bike wasn’t new enough – not by a mile!
And his food was so plain that he just couldn’t smile.

He really really didn’t want to go to school,
and the water was too cold in his swimming pool.

The vacation was boring – he wanted to go home.
And the movie was stupid – “I’ve seen Home Alone!”
“I don’t feel like going to the beach!” he’d say,
and: “why won’t the neighbour’s weird kid go away?”

All day long, he’d complain and he’d whine,
because Ziggy was an ungrateful little swine.

One day his parents took him out to the slums
to show him some piggies with very dirty bums.
“But why is that one so thin?” asked Ziggy.
“Well”, said his mom, “there’s no food in that piggy!”

There’s no mommy to feed him, no butter, no bread…
Who knows when last that little piggy was fed?
He has no lunchbox, no books and no shiny toys.
There are no beach trips or new clothes for some little boys.”

Why, some little piggies have nothing at all…
No flat screen tv, no soccer ball,
no scooter or skateboard and definitely no bike
(and no rich uncle, like your uncle Mike).
There’s no money for school, so no education.
And do you think these little piggies ever go on vacation?”

Ziggy looked at the slumpiggies and after a while,
He noticed something strange – it was… a smile!
And there was another, and another and more!
Ziggy counted twelve, seventeen, twenty-one, twenty-four!
“But mommy”, he asked, “If everything’s so bad,
why are these piggies so… not very sad?
Why are they smiling and happy and stuff,
when it’s obviously obvious they don’t have enough?”

“Well”, said his mommy, “I think it’s because…
when you don’t have very much, you learn to value what’s yours.
You learn to appreciate everything you’ve got.
Whether it’s old or new, whether it’s perfect or not!”

“That little piggy’s toy is a big round stone.
He’s not complaining about his old-ish iPhone.

And those two old piggies are smiling broadly today,
just because they had a roll in the hay!”

“These piggies appreciate every little thing -
the bright stars at night, a butterfly wing,
an old crust of toast, a puddle of mud,
a sunshiny day spent outside with a bud,
a fresh patch of grass, the scent of a flower…
They’re grateful every second, every minute, and every hour!”

Later that night when Ziggy was in bed,
he couldn’t get the slumpigs out of his head.
He lay there, warm, and snuggled up tight,
and wondered how warm they were tonight.

The next morning at breakfast, as he sipped his tea,
he thought about saying “oh, woe is me!”
But then he wondered if the slumpigs were sitting down to food
and instead he said “thank you, it’s very, very good!”

When it was time for school, he didn’t complain.
He thought “I’m lucky to be able to train my brain!”
And when he opened his lunchbox and rolled his eyes,
Ziggy realised - much to his surprise -
that moaning about this and complaining about that
probably meant he was a bit of a brat…

He decided then and there that enough was enough
and that he would be grateful for all kinds of stuff!
For every new morning and every new night,
for his little piggy tail, for his hearing and sight,
for his toys and tv and toad and pool,
his bike and his bed - and even his school!

He was a very lucky piglet – he understood that now,
and so he made a solemn vow…
He promised his mommy he wouldn’t complain
about the sun or the wind or the snow or the rain
or the shoes on his feet or the food on his plate.

Ziggy had learned to appreciate!

And a funny thing happened from that very day.
He began to see things in a whole new way.

The pool was refreshing – no longer too cold,
and his bike was awesome – didn’t matter how old!

The peanut butter sandwich was actually quite yum.
And that movie was funny – the one he’d thought was dumb.

Everything’s better when you’re grateful, you see.
From your clothes to your food, and even a cup of tea.

A dull day at the beach becomes a wonderful treat.
And that boring apple suddenly tastes quite sweet.

“This vacation’s so fun it must never ever end!”
and the kid down the street… starts to look like a friend.

In fact the whole wide world began to look better to young Ziggy
the day that ungrateful little swine became a thankful little piggy.

THE END

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What are you missing most?


There are nine days left of the “hard lockdown” we’re currently experiencing. After that, who knows? We definitely won’t be attending any festivals for a very long time. (Insert sad face.) We probably won’t be booking flights anywhere for a while. And we’ll most likely be sanitising bedonnered and fistbumping our besties well into the future.

But aren’t we going to be delighted to be able to buy what we want, when we want it? Aren’t we going to be so grateful when we can hug our parents and spend quality time with them again? And aren’t we going to be overjoyed to have friends over for drinks - without fear of jail time or having to ration what’s left of the booze stash?

In other words, we are being given the opportunity to not only learn more about who and what’s important to us, but also to start to actively appreciate those people and things - to the max.

I think that’s my biggest take away from this experience - what I may have been taking for granted. The ocean. The mountains. My folks and friends. The freedom to walk my dogs in the most exquisite places. A steady stream of work and income. A beer at Dunes. My brother in the US, who I don’t speak to nearly enough. Bikram in a stunning yoga studio. Pitching my tent at a music or spiritual festival. Seeing the final four episodes of the latest season of Grey’s Anatomy (it’s OK Shonda, we understand why you had to halt filming.)

I am trying not to lament the lack of these things at the moment, but rather attempting to practice gratitude, and commit to being more aware post-lockdown, so that I do all these things more often, and with my full appreciation.

I didn’t attend a yoga class for months - months, people! And as lockdown hit, I thought “Aaw no, that means I can’t go to yoga, boo hoo, poor me.”

Really, Nikki? Really?

What and who are you missing the most?

What can’t you wait to do? Where can’t you wait to go? Who can’t you wait to hug?

From what I’m seeing on social media, it seems the big question is actually - what can’t you wait to drink?

I am not a big drinker, but how I thought 12 Savanna Lites were going to see me through is beyond me. So I can’t wait for a Savanna Lite… ooooh and a Castle Draught. Not at the same time.

(Actually, maybe at the same time.)

I can’t wait to hang out at my folks’ place and take my dogs up a mountain and drive up the west coast and have some peeps round for a braai and go for sushi and pitch my tent.

I think this has been a time of reflection for many of us, and a chance to reassess who and what we value most in this funny old life.

May we never ever take any of it for granted again.

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25 ways to get into a good mood today


So you sometimes find yourself in a crappy mood and you can’t really figure it out because nothing’s really wrong, but you just can’t shake it and find yourself sneering at your pet fish? Here are some easy, cheap and fun ways to improve your mood, very quickly. It’s not rocket science, but we sometimes forget in those dull, gloomy moments that there are things are that can improve our moods.

  1. Go to you tube and search “Funny kid”, “adorable”, “cutest thing ever” or similar. You are bound to find something that tickles your funny bone and makes you feel better… (Don’t do this if the reason you’re in a bad mood is related in any way to your wasting so much time online)
  2. Meditate. If you don’t know how, then just lie or sit comfortably with your eyes close and breathe easy for a while, trying at the same time to consciously concentrate on relaxing every part of your body. If your mind wanders, simply turn your focus back to your breathing and relaxing. Don’t allow negative thoughts to take hold. Breathe and let them go and think only about nice stuff, if you must think. Do this for 10 minutes and you will feel better.
  3. Watch a sunrise.
  4. Watch a sunset.
  5. Eat a hot fudge and choc-chip ice cream in a sugar cone.
  6. Have an orgasm.
  7. Have an orgasm while eating a hot fudge and choc-chip ice cream in a sugar cone.
  8. Play a song or CD you love dancing to and then… just dance! Crank it up, close your eyes, kick off your shoes, let down your hair and shake shake shake what your mama gave you.
  9. Watch a fantastic comedy or musical - something you know you love. My go-to’s are Romance and Cigarettes, Bridesmaids and anything with Kristen Wiig in.
  10. Get some sun. Even if you’re stuck behind a computer all day, just step outside for 5 minutes and feel that delicious sunshine on your face. (Unless of course you live somewhere super chilly and rainy. Like Scotland. In which case you’re kinda missing an item on this list. Ok your No. 10 is Have some Whiskey. Not a lot though.)
  11. Lie down on a fresh, soft patch of grass with your eyes closed and smile. It’s impossible to not feel better.
  12. Spend a few minutes or an hour with animals – if you have pets go and snuggle up or play or just connect with them. If you don’t have pets, visit friends who do, visit an aquarium or go the dog park and make furry friends. WARNING: Approach strange dogs with caution.
  13. Daydream. Visualise a perfect day you might be able to have sometime in the near future – if you have plans, or expecting visitors over December or whatever – imagine yourself on that beach or taking the road trip or even just being off for a few days and being able to sleep in. Let yourself fantasise about a totally plausible event… It’s powerful.
  14. Create something. Buy a R40 pack of clay and make a mini bust of Trump; or paint or draw something, make up a silly song, write a haiku… Being creative releases feel-good-juices.
  15. Exercise also releases serious endorphins, so you can’t help but feel better. If you are a regular exerciser, do your favourite form – yoga, gym, mountain biking etc. If you haven’t exercised for many years, don’t panic. There have been some advancements since the jumping jack and aerobics. I would suggest hot yoga; walking on a mountain; frisbee on the beach; surfing; pilates; hot yoga, indoor rock climbing, rollerblading, swimming and did I mention hot yoga?
  16. Find pretty things in nature – go searching for shells or pebbles or crystals or wild flowers. Seriously. You might think you’re not in the mood, but when your feet hit that sand and you start looking around, magic can happen!
  17. I was in a bad mood recently and then I drank my first ever Frankie’s Root Beer and my mood improved instantly. True story. If you’ve never tasted root beer, I can tell you that it tastes almost exactly like FUN.
  18. Do something nice for someone else. Bake cupcakes and take them to a children’s home, or make sandwiches for your local homeless peeps or just perform a random act of kindness towards a stranger. Creating a joyous moment for someone else will put you in a good mood. Unless you’re a real meanie.
  19. Slap asses. I don’t know about you, but slapping someone’s ass always makes me feel better. Sneak up on co-workers, chase the postman and get a good slap in there, surprise your housemate with a good one… use your imagination.
  20. Phone someone you adore – a friend, sibling, granny etc. and have a chat. Make sure it’s someone who is positive and happy and makes you feel good.
  21. Make a list of things to look forward to. You might feel like you don’t have that much to look forward to…but once you get going, there’s probably quite a lot! Examples: Christmas, payday, movie night, date night, a new season of Masterchef Australia, a friend’s birthday party, your New Year’s Eve plans, a sporting event you’re attending or partaking in, your Christmas Turducken, an upcoming festival, stuff like that.
  22. Think about all the things you’re grateful for. Once you start listing them, you’ll be surprised how many there are and it will be impossible not to snap out of your shitty little mood.
  23. Take a nice long drive somewhere pretty, play some singalong songs and wind down your window and sing like there’s no tomorrow!
  24. Breathe. Just sit somewhere nice and breathe – take 9 in and 9 out, three times, through the nose, with your exhalations and inhalations the same length of time. Feel that lovely stuff filling your lungs. You’re alive!
  25. Buy yourself a gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive or anything… Just work out your budget, think about stuff YOU love a lot or anything that’s interesting you at the moment or anything you might need to make your life easier or more enjoyable and then go out and buy yourself a present. “Because you’re worth it”. It could be mascara or a CD or a new pair of shoes or a Kinder Joy chocolate.

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On attitude


If you had to plot your range of emotions and attitudes on a daily chart – literally, chart every single emotion as you feel it, all day for a few days, which emotions and states of mind would populate your chart most of the time? Not necessarily what you are portraying, but more in your own head… the thoughts you have?

For instance… you wake up and immediately need to wee. Do you experience IRRITATION at the fact that you can’t lie in for a few minutes; do you feel downright ANGER because this is not how you wanted to wake up, bla bla bla… or do you simply accept the fact, feel GRATITUDE for a good night’s sleep and go and pee with a smile on your face?

While peeing, do you think about what that stupid cow at the office said yesterday (HATRED) or do you think about ways to mend your relationship with the aforementioned cow, because she’s just another person trying to make their way through the world? (EMPATHY)

When driving to work, do you feel FRUSTRATION at slow drivers or people who try to cut in front of you and even worse, the bastards who block you from cutting in? Or do you practice ACCEPTANCE and simply listen to music and take ENJOYMENT from the drive?

When you see a larger-than-life woman with a gorgeous husband while grabbing a bagel for brekkie, do you express UNKINDNESS about her? Do you make JUDGEMENTS AND ASSUMPTIONS about their relationship or do you think “You go girl!”? (KINDNESS)

So you can see that just by going through your normal day you can have in your heart irritation, anger, hatred, frustration, unkindness, judgements and assumptions… OR, with exactly the same outer experiences, you can feel acceptance, gratitude, empathy, enjoyment and kindness…

That, I believe, is attitude! And it’s generally either mostly POSITIVE or mostly NEGATIVE.

Start paying real attention to your ATTITUDE towards life, love, yourself, your job, partner, friends and family. Make a mental (or written) note of the range of emotions, feelings and attitudes that live in your head and heart and see if you can’t start turning those negative ones around?

Cultivate a positive, happy attitude towards life and life will improve. I can almost guarantee it.

If you truly feel that you do already have a happy positive attitude towards life in general, BE GRATEFUL every day and start to consciously spread that happy attitude by being an example to the people around you!

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